Just Philosophy & Some Perspective

Bits and Pieces of Knowledge...

My personal observations are NOT TO BE TAKEN AS ABSOLUTE.. Each Lewy Body individual, I read, has their own path and evolution through this disease, but all of us will attain benchmarks that evidence the disease. For example. We each have mental confusion, and problems with executive function yet... We each also have lucid times, LIKE NOW as I am writing this post. Yesterday afternoon and evening I cried for hours, awoke this morning feeling quiet and cautious. Napped after breakfast and here I am, for the moment, writing again.

I'm sorry my blogs at times arrive rapidly, but this past week I became allergic to one of my medications to give me more thinking clarity. I called the pharmacist, when I realized (after reading the medication materials from the drug store) the I might itch, which is the case, but if I show allergic reactions I should call in. I began to have red lumps on my chest and my lips were swelling (having had the same symptoms years ago) I called the druggist. I told him my symptoms, and asked for HIS executive function perspective. He said I was showing allergy reaction and I had to stop taking the med. I'm told by the pharmacist, there are not many medication options left for me (after my recent allergic reaction). So these days are precious and I must not waste them.

So Here I Am Again...

Since I've been dancing with Lewy Body Dementia, I've done an incredible amount of reading. Books, Medical Journals. University Papers, Research Findings AND commentaries online from spouses, caregivers, and support staff of those with this disease.

There isn't much deviation about the facts, and the facts are not entirely pleasant. But, I much prefer having Lewy Body rather than other dementias. Other dementias, I read,  wouldn't give me these productive days (while these meds work). LBD allows moments, hours, days free from the total CONFUSION That means I should continue to have these less fuzzy, somewhat productive days.

Between pre-Christmas and after New Year my capacities declined quite a bit again. I have more jerking, intermittently in my hands, wrists and jaw, My vision is more blurred. I've returned to intermittent paranoia. My dizziness and balance are problematic. And YES, I am still itching, like crazy, but no allergy symptoms. I've changed shower shampoo, been using anti-itch creams (using a plastic bag covered baby bottle brush to rub cream on my back), and life goes on...

After the pharmacist and my GP had initially consulted about the allergy, the GP called me (we do much better on the phone than in his office). He determined two med changes were needed. It took two days for the new meds to arrive to my door, but I've been using them. My vision is more blurry, but I find ways to read and study for brief periods. My itching has continued, but I've rotated showers (using a Dollar Store toilet brush) and creams, and cold water spurts in the shower to manage symptoms.

Now To Some Philosophy...

As previously stated, I'm compelled to make more social contacts with people in what was my real world, plus I'm driven to write as many of these blogs as possible, to help others and to keep family and friends informed. 

Decades ago a friend made me a wooden wall hanging. It was cute, but the words were very revealing. She said she chose the words because I used the phrase repeatedly in talking and even teaching... I WANT YOU TO KNOW!

Then another friend, sent a note in a card to me over the holiday season saying, "here's one of yours I use all the time... "I don't quite understand. Please say it another way!"

Well ... I WANT YOU TO KNOW!

NOTE...  This is perhaps the most humbling thing I will ever write. I'm crying already and the new medication has given me diarrhea. To be honest with one's self, is very disrobing. To do it before others, leaves one naked. Please bare with me. 

I've prayed a great deal in my life (as many know) but when Lewy Body settled in and my lifestyle transitioned to what appeared to be NO LIFESTYLE, I wanted to know why, like REALLY WHY?

God doesn't respond to me when I yell and demand to him even in tearful fits. Like any good parent He waits for me to calm down and become reasonable. He waits for me to study about what IS happening so that when we finally are on the same page, I'll hear him. Then if I'm moving in the right direction, I'll strive to understand what His expectations are and what MY expectations (true destinations) and responsibilities (stewardships) are to be.

This process of learning, and pondering and feeling out conclusions and then seeking His confirmation has brought me to just one reality thus far, based on the life held "desires of my heart."  For those of you who may not want to lean on your scriptures for direction, I'm sorry, I have to! Many of you have heard me state aloud and with pride and confidence (I wish less pride)... "I have strong leanings. Someone can change my leaning, but only with facts!" The Lord uses the scriptures to issue facts and then his answers to prayer assert the facts.

I'm not a very confident person, but I fake it well. Many night hours in my life have found me curled in fetal position in bed, sobbing. I've worked very hard to meet the challenges of employment that is based upon the knowledge I've been given about how I was to feed my family and survive financially through the years. I've tried to be true to those sacred revealed values, and in this blog, I must be just as truthful as I can with the knowledge I have to date...

I'm About To Preach... close your eyes if necessary!!!!

King James Version
       Matthew Chpt. 18, Verses 1-5

      1. At the same time came disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of         heaven:

      2. And Jesus called a little child unto him, and him in the midst of them,

      3. And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and "become" as a little child, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

     4. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

     5. And who shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

Another note... Thesaurus for convert: make over, retool, adapt, reorganize, remodel, transform, etc

 See why I sometimes go to the scriptures. The Lord doesn't kid around with his use of language.

I've been very self-satisfied about how my life has been blessed, erroneously believing I had much of anything to do with it. The Lord has given me skills, talents, directions, leads, opportunities, and much more. He's taught me to lean on him, but when my PRIDE speaks out, you'd never hear about that leaning, unless you've been close to me.

Another possible truth... I truly am outspoken about the Lord. At the doctor's office, at the bank, even at job interviews and most absolutely with my children and grandchildren. I do it in public with too much pride and to my family very humbly. I'm a reactionary, very Irish heritage based woman, so I apologize a lot. (I've noted that in a previous blog.) Well, enough apologizing.

Now let's play with the word CHILD...

I think I might talk about abortion, hoping most of my readers have common beliefs about when a child comes into existence. Just to be very, very clear... I'm not preaching here, I'm trying to share what I've been given as to what the Lord expects of Geri, not anyone else, just Geri.

https://www.whyprolife.com/life-in-the-womb/

When does life begin? (or for Geri's purposes, life of a child, begin)

"Biology is clear that at conception, also known as fertilization, a unique organism comes into existence. In fact, calling the new human being a “fertilized egg” is not scientifically correct. Once fertilization begins, the unity of the sperm and egg now causes an altogether genetically different thing from either the sperm or the egg on its own. This new human being is called a zygote, not an egg at all. Since this new life possesses human DNA, is genetically separate from its mother, and is the offspring of human parents, it can only legitimately be described as a human being. 

Since there is no question that human zygotes, embryos and fetuses are alive, some have attempted to claim that human beings are not “persons” until some threshold is crossed, such as viability, the capacity to feel pain, birth, or even after birth up until the first year after birth. Such notions are not based on science but rather on ideology, philosophy, or belief. "

When does an Embryo’s Heart Begin to Beat?

An embryo’s heart begins to beat between 18-24 days after conception.

Source: Clowes, Brian, PhD. 2001. The Facts of Life. Front Royal: Human Life International.

When does a ???? feel pain?

https://lozierinstitute.org/fact-sheet-science-of-fetal-pain/

You Can Open Your Eyes Again!!!

 On the record ... when my first born went for a circumcision days after birth, he cried for hours and there after, each time I cleansed the area.

I hope I am making my point clear. In my mind, for Geri's understanding relative to her Lewy Body Dementia considerations, a "child" is not a toddler, nor a preschooler, nor even an infant. We know pre-born babies can enjoy music, they are given anesthetic if in uterine surgery is necessary. 

Now lets' look at life in the womb... A child can develop Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder if the mother drinks and can have addictions if the mother uses drugs. The baby has no safety, except that provided from outside his/hers environment. It is becoming common knowledge that stress on the part of the mother impacts the unborn child. 

The Lord has revealed to Geri, that Geri may have had many mistaken ideas about becoming as a "little child".

When Geri looses her capacity for self-will, is incontinent, cannot feed herself, can no longer walk or talk, and goes into the final Lewy Body stage where looking into her eyes reveals only dark pools... truly she's become that preborn child. 

I can fight that mentally and emotionally. But the Lord chooses his words carefully. Geri cannot  be angry and selfish or defiant. I must learn to be sweet natured when helpless, quiet spirited when alone, faith filled when external insights can no longer influence my mind. 

This IS where I am going. My trajectory may alter from other LBD patients, but my destination will be the same. 

My life has always been one of speaking and teaching truth. This is my current and firm truth, until the Lord gives me more facts to straighten up my leaning. Until that time, I hope to share as much truth as I find... 

Bit of an UPDATE ... regarding the medical appointment I have attended... To say it was unbelievably upsetting would be an understatement. I cried during it, I cried leaving it (literally as the doctor stood camly and observed like I was an insect leaving his domain. He said all my problems were probably caused by depression. He had no test findings to ascertain that determination and he did not book any test findings to evidence the same... I cried on the street waiting for my handibus, and continued to cry on the bus.

Cried for the rest of the day but made phone calls asking medical personnel who had worked with me, WHY I'd been sent to him.
My physician eventually called me (at supper hour) and apologized for my having had to attend the "hoop" appointment. He was sincerely sorry he had not forewarned me. He said he and others won't be moved by any medical report letters back from that physician.

I would want to be believed! I went online to see reports about him - 5 of 8 were as negative as my experience.... here are some examples ...

TWO EXAMPLES

... I would never recommend Dr. Toni Winder to anyone. It took 2.5 months for him to give me the results of my brain MRI at which point, he misdiagnosed me, and said I was fine. He called me back 3 months later to say I do indeed have a problem. I never asked to see the radiologist report, had I seen it (always ASK for it.. it's yours....) I would have seen the recommendation was to see a neurosurgeon! To this day he has not told me that. I've learned from going to him that you really have to be your own advocate for your own health. This man has caused me a lot of wasted time and emotional distress.

... Wow.... He was the most inconsiderate doctor I have ever met. Except for the doctor who came to my bedside to tell me I miscarried. Both of them are the same. No actual concern for the patient, only interested in puffing out their chest with talk of statistics, politics, and money. Unbe-freakin-lievable!! This particular patient diagnosed with MS, and he is just letting her continue to get worse & worse & worse. Absolutely NO suggestions for helping quality of life, while waiting for potential helpful drugs to be approved by the government. And when we asked questions for possibility of different treatment options, he cut us off and completely shut it all down. No options at all. None. Didn't even look at the patient and acknowledge that the last time he saw her she was walking still, and this time she's in a wheelchair hunched over, barely able to talk, and hardly able to move on her own. Not One Single Question, about how are you doing, or comment about how things have drastically declined in 6 months!!!! Instead he simply talked politics & insurance issues surrounding the medication that she isn't able to take and then said, goodbye we will book you in again in another 6-8 months. ...............! ????????????? Seriously?!

 We also agree that we need a doctor, not a friend ..... but we weren't there for a friend, we were there for a DOCTOR. A Dr who actually acknowledges that she is a human who is suffering, not simply a patient case number to file away under MS. If you're booked to see him, I highly recommend getting a second opinion. Or better yet avoiding him all together!

I believe these examples are sufficient and evidence the lack of concern by this physician that has made me call the next specialist appointment office staff to ascertain if I ought to give my appointment to a move deserving patient. They worked through my crying and said they'd call me back closer to my appointment and we'd discuss the matter. 

They have, and I'm less fearful! I'll report again...