Old Health Issues With New Awareness

I recently joined a Lewy Body Facebook group. Aside from being reminded of many of my lifestyle and health obstacles, there have been some amazing discoveries. 

Stuffy and Running Nose

For the last number of years I've experienced what I've believed to be very disturbing (difficulty breathing) allergic reactions to possible sources. Sneezing fits for as long as ten to fifteen minutes before bed at night and going through a box of Kleenex in a day or two. Difficulty breathing that has found my voice muffled and strained. I have imagined my inability to enjoy odors such as the scent of roses, of baking bread, or roasting meat with vegetables, even the joy of the ocean air, are all losses to which I've become accustomed. Now, I learn from other LBD associates, all such symptoms are actually coming from neurological issues as much as my blood pressure problems have been.

Terribly Sore Mouth and Tongue

In the past few months (and occasionally in the past) my tongue and mouth lining have been inflamed and so tender, even eating toast has become a  challenge. Because I've had "temporary caps" on my teeth for decades, and now because my gums are receding, leaving sharp edges, I'd determined were the cause of my painful mouth and tongue. When choosing what I might eat or drink, I've had problems choosing what I might comfortably eat or drink, attempting to eat items I've always found pleasant have surprisingly caused pain that has deterred me from eating.

Weight Gain, Yet Hyperthyroidism

We all know that when one suffers from "hypothryroidism" the expectation is weight gain. But, "hyperthyroidism" is noted often for significant weight loss. My blood tests and a scan of  my thyroid evidence most certainly, that I am suffering from hyperthyroidism. As a matter of fact, I have numerous nodules in my thyroid. My family physician had me booked for a thyroid biopsy. Then, his referral for me to a specialist came through and she has determined she desires more tests before any biopsy ought to be done.

I've told her, Dr. McKay that I'm not very enthusiastic about a biopsy at all. She was puzzled about that and I explained, that if I have thyroid cancer, I will not have it surgically dealt with. I would explain why, but know my belief is between the Lord and myself. As we press forward, time will tell what the future holds. 

Thyroid Hormones Control:

metabolism; breathing; heart rate; nervous systems; weight; body temperature.

Overactive Thyroid Symptoms:

                        nervousness; anxiety, rapid heartbeat X; hand tremors X, excessive sweating X;                             weight loss; difficulty sleeping X.

(each X is an area of symptoms I'm experiencing)

  Vision Problems

My vision has been something I rather take for granted. I'm FAR SIGHTED and my greatest challenge for years has been putting reading material at significant distance to allow comfortable reading. Then, in the past year, jumping letters and blurred vision have become a challenge. 

It wasn't until I was reading entries on the Lewy Body Dementia Facebook site, that I learned my vision, my sore mouth and runny nose with stuffiness were actually LBD issues. It seems, unlike many LBD symptoms which are brain centered problems, this one comes (if I've understood correctly) is actually from the brain stem. The first gentleman commenting stated his physician stated it is indicative of the brain stem misfiring. All that is important to my thinking, is that my intermittent vision blurriness and jumping letters is neurological and perhaps my worry about getting my eyes tested toward new glasses will not necessarily help my vision. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED? Yet, these are autonomic bodily systems, so it does make sense.

IN SUMMATION...

While this posting is not as humorous as some others have been, it offers facts which allow for reader awareness and learning. BUT... please know I'm my usual, cheerful self and emoji's are quickly becoming my preferred visual friends.

 I Surprise Even Myself

I pulled up this blog opportunity and then suddenly forgot why???? I knew a few minutes ago what was on my mind, but then my thoughts vanished like fingerprints on a mirror after cleaning. I had to walk through thoughts that were still intact to ascertain any clues and after totally moving away from worrying about it, suddenly my focus re-arrived at the door of my awareness.

My awareness of symptoms for my dementia are intermittent. But here are a few new or interesting bits and pieces.

MEDICAL TEST RESULTS

I've  had an MRI, a Brain Scan, a PET Scan and a scan of my thyroid.

My GP and Geriatrician have had contact with me at various outcome points and here are the bits and pieces they shared thus far...

1. GP - I have two small cysts in my frontal lobe of my brain (brain scan and MRI). They shouldn't be causing the problems I'm suffering. They may repeat the tests in time to see if the cysts are growing. He also indicated tests evidence I've had a mild stroke.

Denise, Anna and I were together the day that probably happened, years ago. We'd planned and were on a boat launch to do some kayaking (Vancouver Island). As we moved slowly down the ramp toward the kayaks, I blacked out, fell and upon awakening discovered I'd injured a knee (split it open to the bone and had to be taken to ER). It took literally hours and hours to be seen by a Dr. but eventually the knee was sewn up and questions about the incident indicated I'd probably had a stroke. No one did anything about it and I didn't pursue it. 

NOTES: 

Over the years,  my blood pressure problems have given black outs more than once. It is possible some of those events are part of the damage they are seeing now. I know Lewy Body Dementia cannot be seen in these tests until it is much more evident in the brain and in my disabilities. I'm  not worrying about it, just moving forward.

Throw a couple of cysts into this image and you get the idea. The frontal lobe includes "EXECUTIVE FUNCTION" and that is why I don't always drive or do tasks that might require (on a bad day) supervision. Many people require supervision all day, every day. I'm doing quite well.)

CYSTS... Rayanne stated to me ..."Mom, they don't get it!" She said the cysts are like pebbles in your shoes. They are small, but shouldn't keep you from walking, yet they make each footstep uncomfortable and unpredictable. I wish the doctor could see it that way, but meanwhile, we keep pressing forward. 

Denise (RN) said the location of the cysts truly is indicative of some of my symptoms because they are in the frontal lobe.. 

2. GERIATRICIAN - The PET scan evidences there are issues in my frontal lobe. He isn't certain, but I may have indicators of Frontotemperal Lobe Dementia - but he's not sure. He doesn't want to determine that because the "outcome is so displeasing" (his words not mine). 

(Geri note: It can't be anymore displeasing than Lewy Body Dementia. AND, no matter any diagnosis, my optimism exceeds any possible negative outcomes. Do I sound like I'm giving up my "geriness" yet? I DON'T THINK SO...!!!)

He'll once again ask for the memory testing for me for individuals with a high IQ (mine is 137-38). Somehow they have overlooked that request earlier when I told both doctors I'd flunked the cookie cutter test the first time it was given. I made certain, by carefully file folding in my brain the areas I needed to beef up for the next time. The Geriatrician wasn't certain that was possible, but when you give a person the same test three times in six months, if that person is Geri, IT IS POSSIBLE!

SYMPTOM NOTES:

I've reviewed the list of symptoms and smile when I see items listed that are very familiar to me but may not be obvious to observers. Rayanne can see more of the symptoms than a casual appointment with a physician and Denise certainly voiced symptoms seen before I left UTAH last year. (It may have been longer ago!!!!). 

No, I haven't had a sudden urge to eat my shoes, but I truly do have a desire to eat dirt. That is something I ate while pregnant with Denise. I used to lick potatoe peelings. Now I lick my fingers when the urge hits me after gardening or doing other outside dusty work.

I had a new kind of hallucination recently that brought Rayanne to tears.

She was driving us home in the dark and suddenly as the road was obviously offering a turn, my brain told me Rayanne was about to drive in the opposing direction to the turn. I stiffened and yelled out her name in a panic voice She was immediately traumatized and then we both realized I was hallucinating and she was not driving off the road. I began apologizing endlessly as she cried and cried, still driving.

We made an agreement for future moments of possible hallucinations. If I sensed something was wrong, I was NOT to call out and we'd simply deal with the realities. As funny as it sounds, just yesterday such an incident arose. She appeared to be driving into the metal barrier in my side of the lane of traffic, along the edge of a mountain cliff. I stayed quiet, she caught herself and pulled the car back into the centre of the lane and all was well. I reminded her I'd been a "good girl" and I hadn't called out. She thanked me and we laughed.

I'll bet you recall using one of these sometime at school.

I loved it much better than a dictionary. But with a dictionary you had to have

an idea of how to spell what you were looking for, Thesaurus was 

my best "cheat" friend and always has been.

******************************************************************************

A few of you have commented that I don't seem to suffer for a shortage of words (when reading my blog). The funny reality is, I sit with a very old Roget's Thesaurus at my right arm, and I use it liberally. Can't do that in conversation and so I'll laughingly try to describe the word I'm looking for and Rayanne eventually comes to my rescue.  Now that I have fewer conversations with people, perhaps Blogging will become my new "claim to fame!"

I can't recall again, if I told you in my last blog that I couldn't consistently recall that I'd just experienced a holiday week on the Island. 

AND in conjunction with that, I was having some difficulty with my having transferred my Koodoo account over to Telus. I had all the details in place as I bantered with the service rep. My only shortfall was I was certain I'd completed the transaction with Rayanne at my side in Lethbridge. After the details were resolved, Rayanne took multiple assertions that SHE HAD NOT HELPED ME IN LETHBRIDGE. She repeatedly and quietly said I'd done it while on the Island two weeks earlier. And when the foggy picture finally formed in my brain, it was Carolyn , on the Island,  who had been at my side to take care of it all. 

One additional irritation I must mention is my increasing problem with swallowing. A year ago it might have been once in a while, now it more often then not. Laugh again, but Nathan had an incident while I was on the Island wherein Rayanne had to shift him from Cardston to Lethbridge and then by ambulance to Calgary's ER. He had food stuck down where the bronchial and esophagus meet. It took a few hours, I'm told to remove the food, but he came home the next morning after scaring Rayanne half to death. He's had such emergencies numerous times and I've been on hand often to see him through it.

My incidents are that the food (well chewed - unlike Nat) can't seem to smoothly go down my esophagus. It may last for minutes or hours. I sip fluids repeatedly to grease the runway, but that doesn't seem to solve the problem. So... if you hear I choked to death, you will know I didn't choke on my words but on some tasty goodie.

You may laugh. I often smile during an episode and I may have told you of the first time it was totally out of control while at the dining table at the Lodge. I've come a long way. Now I can deal with it, minus an audience. 

Yep, I keep surprising myself. I'd say more, but I've run out of amusing and perhaps trivial things to tell you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Weekend. .

Goodbye one and all!

 Remembering to Remember

Ten days ago I made a long desired trip (with my younger brother Mark covering costs) to Vancouver Island. My initial plans were to visit some friends and associates and the do some significant swimming in the Ocean, but the latter desire did not come to fruition.

On the morning of my first full day, my friend and sister by mutual love and respect, Carolyn took me to a car rental agency and I drove away with a cute little Hyundai.

Now you are asking how I got so gutsy? Well the week before, I needed to renew prescriptions and my daughter didn't feel able to drive me to town. The prescriptions are important, but my limitations are very real. A few minutes in prayer about it brought me to ask to borrow my daughter's Ford Escape (I believe that is the name). She was willing, I was terrified and my first minutes on the dirt road that takes us to the main highway was adequate time to get the feel of the car. My trip to Cardston was successful with my capacities increasing, but my humility as governance. I could ascertain when I'd become taxed, the degree of traffic and distances in parking were in tow. That little trip became my confidence builder to rent the car on the Island.

Carolyn stood with me at the counter of the rental agency and she didn't look very confident that my renting would work out, but in respect, she didn't say one negative word. I was grateful. 

After the contracts were signed (rental, insurance, etc.) we went outside to examine the car for any damages.

NOTE: Perhaps I should mention that I have done a period of employment wherein I managed a car rental kiosk at the Calgary Airport. I renting moments for this car were comfortable for me. Carolyn offered a second set of eyes to look for scratches and dents to put on the inspection document. 

A few moments later, with keys in my hands and Carolyn off home (I was to follow) I climbed in the car and realized the agent hadn't given me a run through of things like moving the seat and wing windows, etc. I called him back out and a few minutes later I began to drive off the lot. I played the familiar review of how fast the gas pedal brought speed and how quickly the brakes stopped the car. 

I believe I had a combination of exhilaration, joy, humility, terror and determination overcome me. I drove the distance to Carolyn's home, parked the car and entered smiling and thanking her for her assistance. I knew adventures were ahead. I also knew my memories for locating friends were foggy and I would prayerfully approach finding each destination.

It was a bit warmer than this stock image shows, and the Rathtrevor Beach area did have lots of play traffic, families and shell or rock hounds such as myself. I got in the water up to my calves and it was warm like I'd just poured a bath. It was lovely. I had this ocean break - my only one, after visiting with three friends in Parksville. It may have been too short and too dry (no swimsuit) but it was only day one and I was so certain life would get wetter in the coming days.

My heart was firm, I'd be prepared tomorrow for a beach experience and join the holiday groups of families, couples and singles.

The following day I met with a dear friend who works at many things (like I always have done) and who has a life of intermittent sacrifice. She is quiet, caring, capable, and so lovely. We had a Tim Horton's breakfast at her husband's office so she could meet his front desk needs when the limited C19 traffic arrived. She said their business had dropped by 50% and they believed, due to businesses closing, that might be their new normal.  She didn't complain for even a moment. They have a publishing, printing operation, and I'd used it often in my Island working days.

I'm so sorry, but a day and a half of my trip seems not to have stayed logged in my mind. I know I had the car that much longer, but I can't recall what I did with that time. 

I suppose that doesn't matter. My memory issues are among the reasons I am writing this blog. 

I know I returned the car safely and that Carolyn and I did some adventures together - Goats on the Roof and second had stores...

Carolyn literally "ran into" her granddaughter here... rather her granddaughter ran into her. It was so good to see the child (young TWEEN) that gives Carolyn such pleasure.

The parking lots were filled with shopper's cars, and the shops were filled too. People in the Parksville district did not seem to be as concerned about C19 and "masking" as was the case in Nanaimo.

Carolyn and I both snickered when talking about C19 fears. We didn't feel fearful, but obeyed the protocols in shops, etc.

I would say more, but my holidays are not my reader's treasures. Needless to note, I went to church, which proved to be a bit bizarre. But... it did allow me to connect with 2 women I love dearly. We spent time together after the Sunday meeting and found so much to talk about. It was terrific! Diane and Luisa will be always in my heart, but others I missed visiting have left a void, like Christmas packages not opened. The Lord took the lead with my time after the car rental and with Carolyn and Diane doing the driving, I felt so comfortable.

Remembering To Remember What Lies Ahead

What my heart, mind and energy tell me as fall approaches, is that I have another "call" to action. While the world is dealing with C19, riots in city streets, mobs tearing down monuments, unemployment, the US government games toward the 2020 election, Jared Kushnar flying on the first flight between Jerusalem and the Arab Emerits area to discuss alignments that may include US jet fighter plane gifts to the Arabs, My Call is to begin a movement of people who in peace will establish Zion. 

Please find consider reviewing my FIRST newsletter to this purpose...

I'll send it to you by email or Messenger. 

Revelations

Daily Discoveries

It's been many weeks since I've written. Please accept my apologies. I have been doing so much yard work and gardening here at Rayanne's (a joy), time slips away and daily exhaustion takes it's tole. I used to snicker when someone told me they were so tired at the end of a work day they'd "drop" into bed. Since retirement, I'd lost that level of exhaustion, but once again it's truly how I feel. 


FIRST DISCOVERY - When your friends are right!

Back at the Lodge, people would tell me I really ought to have been using a walker to be more steady on my feet. I have explained previously my multiple reasons for not succumbing to that mobility support. But I've found a new walker that meets my yard work needs.

I was laughing this week  as I spent hours doing lawns (yes their property has a massive lawn area). I am slow at the task (walking speed for me) and when it's time to stop the effort for the day, I return the lawnmower to it's shelter and I truly stumble sit on a lawn chair, or if possible, I make it back to my trailer and perch on  my front steps until I have the strength to climb them and fall onto the sofa. 

Rayanne noted to me humorously that I now use a walker for covering significant, open distances, it's called a gas mower. She's correct.


SECOND DISCOVERY - Memory surprises come unexpectedly!

Nate was blessed with only occasional problems with his teeth in recent months, but now lockdowns are lifting a bit, he's in real misery. It even required a trip to Emergency to cover his pain needs until we access a dental surgery appointment.

Rayanne took me to the surgeon's office to begin the process again of setting up a date/time. I carried forth the actions required (face mask and all) and came back to the car. As she was talking she reviewed our first and joint visit to the office. I would have thought for certain she was fabricating my having been to the office previously. I did recall a tense discussion about how we'd handle his dental needs, but I was certain she was "misremembering" my having been in attendance at the actual office. 

Wherever that memory might have been it's entirely dissolved and gone for me. Rayanne cited that because the first appointment had been stressful for me the stress might have been a factor in my not recalling the event now. I have no idea if stress is related to some of my memory loss, but if that's possible, I should have an empty brain!

I will never know, but "another one (memory) hits the dust"...


THIRD DISCOVERY - "Silence is Golden"

I've learned from sad experience that my forgetfulness (i.e: leaving a pot to burn on the stove; forgetting to turn off my curling iron and then finding it - "by the grace of my Father in Heaven", hidden under personal items that could catch fire) could be truly dangerous. Experiences such as those cited gave me an awareness that perhaps living in the trailer, I ought to modify my independence to accommodate such possibilities.

At first I only have used the microwave for heating/cooking, and intermittently invited myself or Rayanne invited me to attend family dinners.

I have been slow to learn that I am too conversational when in a family gathering and at times, Rayanne tells me,  I have offended one or more family members.

These realities taught me to make a choice I should have realized was quite appropriate. Now I only attend a family event or meal when invited AND also |I learned my friend's rule of thumb when mixing and mingling... "silence is golden," (Thanks Garry Gregson).

FOURTH DISCOVERY - Seeing isn't always to be believed!

This discovery is perhaps my most disturbing... I may not see what is apparent. I may not see what actually is present.

NOT SEEING WHAT IS PRESENT

\

I took a short walk in the evening air to enjoy the gathering summer storm. I could see the darkening in the clouds, hear rolling thunder and so enjoyed the lightning bolts dancing in the distance. 

I was quietly reviewing the multiple species of grasses, the flowering weeds and trying to ascertain how I might dig some and make them part of a personal garden area around my trailer.

I was looking forward to Rayanne's return home that I might share it all with her. Somethings are better shared. She drives a black FORD small size RV. Every once in a while I would turn to look back at the front porch of her house to see how far down the road I had ventured.

After a momentary glance back to the house, Rayanne showed up on the porch and came to lean on a handrail. To my amazement, her FORD (which I could not see previous to seeing her appear, was parked beneath her), in front of the porch. I was totally amazed. I knew she had not passed me on the roadway, but I also knew I was seeing the FORD for the first time.

I had experienced  similar lack of visual awareness in the past, but nothing as total as this event. Previously I could tell myself I just "hadn't noticed"... this time I knew I HAD NOT SEEN THE CAR AT ALL.!!!

NOT SEEING WHAT IS ACTUALLY PRESENT

One afternoon Rayanne and I had set out to do laundry and a few errands. Amid the errands, she took us through a Tim Hortons drive thru. As I was gazing about, I saw a young oriental woman, dressed in a "Timmy" uniform. She was standing across from the restaurant, holding a young boy. I felt she might have been awaiting a pick up for the child before work or they both were going to be picked up at the end of her shift. 

YES, I tend to create imaginary stories for what is part of my "people watching" habit.

I took my eyes off the young woman, as Rayanne handed me the food we had ordered. I raised my eyes again across the roadway to the young woman and the young boy was gone, but the woman was holding a leash with a medium sized dog attached. 

I asked Rayanne when the woman had switched the young boy for the dog. Rayanne smiled, but was quick to say the dog had always been on the leash with the young woman. 

IN SUMMARY

I've been for a brain scan and an MRI. The scan showed a small tumor, but nothing that should produce the visual and memory issues I'm demonstrating. I've not heard back about the MRI, but doubt much will be discovered. I am booked for a PET Scan in September. 

My family doctor, Sandy, believes what is happening to me, but stated I ought not count on the tests evidencing a reason for my experiences daily. He's given my ATIVAN for bad days. I only need them rarely, and took some yesterday after a difficult set of experiences brought on by too much stress over a sequence of nearly a week. I broke down crying... 

The Lord is in charge of all this insanity, and I must trust HIS will, HIS plan and HIS purposes.

Hope to talk to you soon, but we'll see what I can muster. I'm considering producing a motivational flyer based on a totally differing topic. 

Take care.... I really mean that.

Another Transition

From a Senior's Lodge to a Fifth-Wheel Holiday Trailer


A few weeks ago my life was quite predictable save experiences with Lodge residents, communications from family and the media HYPE about COVID19.  as I write, the latter still persists.

I may sound a bit political in this posting, but considering what we all can witness in everynewscast, I believe I'm allowed to have some observations and perspectives.

While my memory and executive function capacity may have significant, intermittent challenges, my beliefs are still my own. Some members of my family probably believe I'm a bit of a "nut case," but, watching the world as we've known it, and our legal rights dissolve from day to day and from hour to hour, I'm certain I'm not the only one.

When the Alberta Provincial Government sent me an email flyer through my family physician,indicating that people over 65 yrs, with pre-existing health conditions, living in RURAL AREAS, would NOT have the same access to medical care as other provincial residents, that got my attention.

THEN... THIS ARRIVED TO ME (FROM MY LODGE ADMINISTRATION)

Effective immediately, visitors to all congregate living sites are restricted to one essential visitor only. 

 No social visits are permitted. 

 An essential visitor, designated by the Resident or guardian (or other alternate decision maker), may be a family member, friend or paid caregiver over 18 years of age. Visits from children are restricted, as children do not necessarily show symptoms of COVID-19. 

 Visits from a designated essential visitor are limited to situations where: 

•  direct care is being provided to the Resident (i.e. feeding, constant observation for safety or participating in care when sites can’t meet resident care needs), or  
• a Resident is dying.   

Please find attached the latest visitor guidance information from AHS.

Administration concluded by stating, "We apologize that these rules are coming at us so quickly that we are having trouble keeping up. Thank you for your patience."

*********************************

I asked my nearest daughter, if she would allow me to exit the Lodge. She said YES when she saw the above directive. When I exited, she and I did so through the rear door of the facility, removing all my personal belongings, and as quickly as possible.

It took two car loads to her home (that tells you that I have downsized considerably in the last 9 months) to complete phase one of this latest transition. When arriving to her  home,  I slept in my dependent adult son's room on a lounge chair. My daughter and I began the hunt for a new location for me considering basement suites and other possibilities. We had one false start (a travel trailer for the right price) but it was scooped up before we could make the purchase.

Feeling defeated, I was ready to sleep in the chair in my son's room indefinitely, but my daughter was persistent. She found another travel trailer for even less money and we purchased it "sight unseen" from a dealer lot. The next day we finished paper work for it and two days thereafter it was delivered to us in the middle of a snow storm.

Couldn't find a model image as old as my 23 FT. 1991 Citation, but this is almost the same.

Aside from moving into the 5th-Wheel, I've had to learn about purchasing and having a "pig" for propane delivered. I've acquired a "go with the flow" body adaptation as the constant wind as it blows the trailer into a rocking motion. We've placed old tires under the trailer with some wooden blocks to steady it as much as possible. I feel safe, despite the motion.

It has no running water as yet because I don't want the pipes to freeze in our current cold weather.  I must have her family bring me water from their home, and I use it from a plastic container - sparingly. With no water there is no sewage, as yet either! So I've created another nasty but essential "make do."  I tape packaged kitchen garbage bags (one at a time) to the toilet bowl and when the bag fills, I remove it, dump it into our field (yes I'm living in the country beside my daughter, with great mountain views). THEN I tape a new bag into the toilet basin.

Not quite the same but this gives the
idea of the space...

About 3-4 days ago I began "cooking" meals on the propane stove. It was unnerving initially (because I don't want to burn the trailer down) but I'm doing preparations more calmly and methodically now. My hands are stiff enough, I have problems using the quick lighting tool, so I've been left with using matches. My executive function task is to remember to wet the warm end of the match before placing it in the garbage.

Each day I find small ways to organize things for more permanency and tidiness. It's truly beginning to feel like my home.

I have found a few quiet moments between self-appointed work tasks to begin doing art again (drawing). I spend a few hours daily with my son, at the dining table here, helping him do craft items I find at a Dollar Store. He's pleased and it gives my daughter a break from focusing on his needs. He comes and goes independently from early in the morning until after dinner time in the evening.

C 19 may be a big issue in the world, the continent and the country. But in "This Little Corner of Canada" (title from a play), my world is full of adult and younger grandchildren coming and going, three of them learning to ride a motorcycle, intermittent peeks of them using technology, helping my daughter make a meal, and gratefully NOT BEING IN LOCKDOWN RESIDENTIAL LIVING !

Thank Heaven for

.

It has been the 
PRE-PLANNED PANDEMIC 
(in Agenda 21, the U.N. 2021/30 Reports AND 
outlined by THE BLAZE TV's special feature with Glenn Beck, April 22/20), 
CREATED WITH FUNDING $ FROM 
WHOOOO & THE

; 

promoted as extremely deadly 
(which now has also been proven erroneous) 
AND entirely a key part of the global..."ist" agenda.

IT has given me back a life I thought was gone forever!!!!

I'm with my family and we are taking it one day at a time.

Hope you are smiling, 'cause I am!

Slipping, Sliding

Old Movies

Tonight is Saturday, March 21, 2020. Each Saturday evening we are typically graced by a gentleman who comes to the Lodge to share a DVD movie with any of us willing to cuddle up to our blankets to watch. He usually makes microwave popcorn. He smiles a good deal and he's gracious and sweet.

A few weeks ago before the movie was turned on he faced us from the front of the room and told us it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to make movie decisions and to find movies and to bring them to us.

Then two weeks ago, he couldn't independently recall how to make the equipment work. He had another gentleman escort him and assist setting things up. That didn't work well. The guest friend couldn't master the equipment either.

Last week  he came alone and then a staff member graciously had to come assist with getting the DVD system operating. He didn't say much. There was no popcorn, and he was quiet when it was over. We'd sat through the film, but a few of us, including myself, selfishly admitted it wasn't one of our best enjoyed movies (that was a first time for me to be disappointed). We must have broken his spirit, because he didn't come back this week. I could kick myself for not thanking him instead of adding to his insecurity.

I will admit, before he left the building last Saturday, I waddled to my room and brought him back a 6 pack of extra-buttery popcorn so he'd have some for tonight, without any cost involved. That must have added to his incredible discomfort.

He's been brain injured as an adult and his capacities, including his speech are dwindling. His decline has happened rather rapidly in recent months. I must write him a thank you note for all the Saturday evening's he's kindly invested with us.

TONIGHT - "A Coal Miner's Daughter" ( Loretta Lynn??)

A staff member set up our movie tonight. I'd arrived a bit late, sat down in the dark and initially arriving at a scene where "Loretty's" future husband drives his jeep like a maniac, I nearly left again because the volume was quite high (remember??? everyone else is quite deaf???). But, something drew me in. I could barely recall having seen it years ago, but the music and the intermittent realism, poverty and warmth of it triggered, unknown or identified at that moment,  tearful memories. Scenes slipped in and out of mental file folders.  None were secure.

When Loretta's father died, she was so far away from home and him/family. I was so grateful my father had been with me when he died. I nearly cried aloud for my Dad to be with me tonight. He probably was and still may be, yet tonight.

Her dad treasured her and loved her openly. My Dad used to call me his "Princess" but I can't remember his ever being warm and fuzzy. He didn't know how to be.

There was a scene of Loretta dropping her children off for her mother to care for. She and "Doo" (husband) were heading on the highway to promote her first ever record on the "zero" label (the first she'd written).

It wasn't until I was leaving at the end of the movie, and pushing the elevator button down, that I recalled my Mom had babysat my children - at least once.  Maybe more. I can't remember it happening. My youngest daughter has told me more than once, and that's not missing from my current filing system, that Grandma had been "mean" to her while I'd been away. Apparently my Mom had decided it was time to toilet train her, and did it the old fashioned way. Funny, my adult children say I do things the "old fashioned way" with their children.

What I did remember, while alone and riding briefly down in the elevator, was that my Mom, took me out ONCE on a Mother-Daughter date. She was always working evenings and I watched my brothers. But this once, she took me to the movie "The Ten Commandments." She slept through most of it. She must have been incredibly tired and it was a long movie.

But somewhere during the evening, she gave me a wrist watch. When I noticed, it was her watch, I can't recall how I dealt with that moment. She obviously couldn't afford to buy new... I don't remember what happened to the watch, but I also don't remember if I was grateful enough for her effort and sacrifice.

I'm so glad I went to that movie this evening, but I still feel tearful because some of those "once in a life-time memories" are gone. My dad's death in my apartment is still intact (three or four images) but all the memories of my mother and I, together, are gone. I can hear her singing as she worked. I know she demanded I do things "properly." I believe we were friends for a time during my teens, but now, I can't recall what that was like or  how it happened or what we shared.

I do recall when she sat mid day to have "a coffee and cigarette" and to read a book Even as I approached my teens, she was still so slender.  She would sit one leg over the other, then she could twist the top leg around the inside leg, readily. It is her only seated position I recall.

I am grateful for bits and pieces, and one day we'll reunite and we'll laugh about things that are only forgotten for TODAY!!!

Discernment, Executive Function and Love

Trusting My Faculties Is An Increasing Emotional Challenge

I've addressed previously my emotional response to life's events. Remember my R.C. M. P. adventure? Well, my crying, when I can't seem to come to grips with a situation, leaves me bereft for options, save waddling to my room and cocooning for hours or more than a day - usually including some tears.

I've had some incidents recently that have been trying... Here's one!

 The R.C.M.P. Again ...

Over each weekend in the Lodge, the resident numbers are the same, the meal delivery requirements don't change or simplify, YET the staffing levels drop noticeably. The Community Home Care Services are less (although all the health requirements are the same as weekdays save supervised bathing), the kitchen and dining area staff numbers decrease, and there are no maintenance/cleaning staff, unless an emergent  need arises (ie. my sleepy friend, one day turned on her kitchen tap, shifted her attention and when she regained awareness of the tap, the kitchen area floor, outside hallway, adjacent electrical room and her suite were drenched). That required both cleaning and maintenance to come to the rescue.

One of the residents is 93 yrs old. She's now in a wheelchair, she falls asleep in every area of the building, even at meals (head down in her food and hands in her meal and food remains all over her clothing) BUT, her mental health has also deteriorated. Her dementia has increased. She has vivid delusions and demands action upon what she believes (i.e. "my son is going to kill himself;" "we must call for water delivery or we won't have any water for the weekend;" "why won't anyone help me," she repeats her needs or claims loudly waving her arms in the air).

Lodge residents by and large are quite deaf, but her actions, as she moves around the dining area in a state of distress, cause considerable emotional discomfort and anxiety for many. They often leave their tables  and escape like cats scurrying (all using walkers, but moving more speedily than one might expect).

She's learned to see me as a resource person and will come toward me beckoning, to me for help. This weekend, events got out of hand, and the following story might prove insightful...

Our friend came out from her room, hair flying, arms waving and at times pulling at her clothing in distress. She moved toward me at my dining table and I jumped (like a duck) into action. I moved to her, brushed her long hair from her eyes, asked about her needs and she kept repeating, "he's going to commit suicide." At that announcement, I knew she needed more than a moment's redirection for attention. I gently turned her wheelchair away from my table (each table laden with a cloth and hot soup bowls atop)  to keep my associates safe from her unpredictable arm/hand motions.

I wheeled her to her room. Located her phone. We hit "call back" and she began speaking to someone. I stupidly imagined the caller would calm her and I returned to the dining room.

She came back out to find me, a couple of minutes later. Still upset and holding and waving her phone. I returned with her back to her room but didn't realize she had someone on the phone line. She told me to speak to who it was... To my surprise, she had called 911. An R.C.M.P. officer was on the line and he as trying to make sense out of her delusional, exclamatory ranting. I tried to explain events to the police, but the officer was trying to determine WHO WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!.  I tried to relieve his mind and explained she was delusional, but he was required by law to write down the facts of WHO and pass it along.

I hunted all around her room, on walls, on cupboards, surfaces looking for her son's phone number. the she said... "Where is my flashlight?" I asked why she needed it. She responded so she could see her son's phone number. That totally bewildered me. Then she wheeled herself over to a small piece of furniture beside her phone desk and pointed to the sidewall of the small cupboard. There was her son's name and two phone numbers. Police still on the line, I shared both numbers and then the officer began questioning me. I had to locate her Do Not Recussitate ( sp?) Order, found it on her door to give the officer her birth date.

I responded to his questions and he said someone would be calling me thereafter.

Neglect, Abuse, Injurious...

I then, reassured her someone was going to check on her son, but that didn't entirely meet her delusional needs. I asked if she wanted to eat while she waited.  She followed me out, but then did not want to settle at her table. A well meaning, but truly incapable dining area staffer, arrived, with a glass dish and egg salad sandwich pieces and as I turned around from my table location, I witnessed the staff member shoving a sandwich portion in her mouth and immediately took our old friend back to her room.

I did not want to start a quarrel, nor a scene, and when my senior friend did not return to the dining area, I was so grateful.

Then I watched as the few remaining residents left their seats. I wanted to cry so badly, but I felt if I did some work (often I clear tables on weekends and evenings to assist limited staff), I might regain my composure.

I asked the woman (the sandwich pusher) if I could have the cleaning cart to allow me to clear the tables. Normally I just clean and stack dishes at each table and leave them for staff to clear away, but for some reason, I wanted the cart to give me more work to do.  I let her know the events had upset me and I needed to refocus and that work would help me do so.

She pulled out the cart, and refused to let me clear tables and said I should not worry about other residents, I ought to only take care of myself (which everyone else - I'm sorry to say, has learned to do).

I explained to her that my upbringing would never allow that self-directed focus. That I'd been taught to always help others. She became more frustrated and I tried to win her over (not a good choice on my part). As she began clearing the tables, watching me crying, I opening stated I was concerned about the resident. I said she needed more care and probably more medications until she could be moved to a more appropriate care facility (ours is a Level 1,2 and she's been diagnosed as needing a Level 4,5). She stated that was none of my business. My crying would not cease. 

As I moved more distant from the staffer, and continued to bawl, she said, "I hope you have a good evening." I responded, (again not a good thing to do - I obviously don't learn somethings quickly). 

"Please don't say that to me when I'm so upset," I said.

She quipped back,"I can say I hope you have a good evening, because I do hope that."

I became defensive, " You can think it if you like, but it hurts me terribly that I can be crying and you make that statement to me. You have not touched me, consoled me or been kind to me."

Once again, as I was turning away, she stated, "That's not my job. I hope you have a good evening."

That was it for me... My crying became more than I could control. 

I'm grateful for a sweet, gentle sister-in-law whom I felt impressed to call. I needed someone with compassion and understanding to help me de-escalate my emotions.

She reminded me not everyone has the same capacity for nurturing and gentleness, nor the awareness instinctively to react positively to the poor delusional resident. 

All her comments were toned softly, yet full of true awareness. I'm so grateful for her, so very grateful. 

AFTERMATH...

Two days later, the facility manager (who is not supposed to address details about residents with other residents, WHO KEEPS REMINDING ME SHE OUGHT NOT TO TELL ME ANYTHING) admitted, after I stopped to question her, that she and a CASE MANAGER for the woman, had spent time the day previous, addressing how they might have the woman moved for better care. She also stated a medication increase had been ordered before the weekend, but THE ORDER HAD NOT BEEN PROVIDED TO WEEKEND HEALTH CARE STAFF.

I want to say more, because my support for my elderly friend continues. I'm not stating this because I'm bragging, but because nothing has changed and it is only Thursday. 

My sandwich serving staffer was on again tonight. After dinner, she sat visiting with her mother (at her mothers dining sport) as I took a food item and spoon to a disabled gentleman. No!!! I'm not crazy, I just find something tells me when someone needs me and I try to follow-up as often as I can. On my way to his room to make the delivery of pudding and a spoon, I saw my elderly friend. She was bent over in her chair, head against the doorway, sound asleep. 

When I came back, I passed my sandwich lady, went to gain the assistance of another staffer and took her to the doorway. 

Nothing changes!!! "Oh, I can't assist her," said the new staffer, who called for the sandwich server to come. They both stood there and watched me move her out of her chair onto her bed. We all left the room, then suddenly I knew the poor woman had not been fed. I returned to her room, told her what I might find for her to eat and went to the snack area to get her some food. I helped her open a sandwich bag, and put pudding and a spoon beside her and left the room ... 

About twenty minutes later I felt compelled to leave MY room, go back to check on my friend and she had just decided she wanted a hot drink. I walked beside her wheelchair, got her settled at the snack table and made her hot chocolate, plus opened a package of two digestive biscuits. We chatted until another woman joined us and eventually, my friend became tired and returned to her room.

As a people watcher, and journalist, parent and special needs foster parent, as well as a retired executive for non-profits...
this is one of the hardest seasons of  my life!!! 

A few minutes later the Home Care staffer arrived for evening rounds. I told her my friend was waiting for her. The HmC-LPN seemed a bit annoyed at me. She entered the old woman's room, wasn't in their five minutes and came out and closed the door.

There was no way the poor older woman could have been changed, toileted, diapered and given pills in that short a time, plus put to bed, unless she'd been ?????? I asked the worker when she came closer and she said she'd "done all she wanted me to do!"

That was code for... 

IF SHE WANTS SOMETHING OR NEEDS SOMETHING, SHE SHOULD ASK!